In exactly 10 days I am scheduled to bring our newest bundle of joy, Tobias, into the world. Honestly, every time I think about how close it is I ask myself how it the date came so quickly.
At 38 weeks with Josiah I was ready for him to be here…apparently he was too because I went into labor at exactly 38 weeks. With Samuel I started my labor watch at 38 weeks because I was ready and Josiah was ready. Samuel wasn’t ready…he came at exactly 40 weeks and 1 day when my c-section was scheduled.
I’ve listened to people comment on how I’m carrying, looking, and acting and how I could go into labor at any moment. I know this is all true, but to be quite honest I’m not ready…I have 10 days left to prepare and I want all of those days so I can finish preparing.
I’m not talking about cooking, cleaning, or any other nesting type stuff, although despite the massive cleaning and cooking I’ve been doing I’ve got about 11 more things on my “do before Tobias gets here” list. After all organizing the kitchen cabinets is essential to bringing a baby home from the hospital, right? Not nearly as important as me re-organizing and decluttering my closet.
I’m talking about the changes in the family dynamic. We’ll be going from a family of 4 to a family of 5. That’s one more person to get ready before we leave the house to go anywhere. That’s more stuff I’ll be carrying around. Not only will I be exhausted from nighttime feedings and diaper changes, I’ll be getting up earlier on Sunday’s to get us all out of the house for church. This stuff is stuff that I have anticipated and knew was coming, but honestly that’s still not even my biggest concern.
I’m not sure that I’m ready for how Samuel is going to react to Tobias coming home and him being the middle child. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the changes in mine and Samuel’s relationship. Things will inevitably change. Samuel won’t be the baby anymore. He hasn’t been a baby for a little while, but up until now I’ve been able to deny it. Up until six days ago Samuel still had his pacifier. He probably still would if he wouldn’t have lost it.
He still likes being rocked at night by his Dad and he’ll probably want to do it even more once he sees Tobias getting rocked. Samuel still gets up early and comes into my room to watch TV in bed first thing in the morning. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes and sleeps with us.
Samuel is into cuddling big time. He frequently wants to sit in my lap and snuggle. Throughout the pregnancy it’s been difficult because he wants my belly out of the way so he can cuddle better.
I understand that lots of families introduce another baby when they’ve still got a toddler, but this is new for me. Josiah was 4 1/2 years old when Samuel was born so this wasn’t an issue. I know things will be different from now on and of course these aren’t bad changes. It’s not like I’m going to start neglecting Samuel, but initially things will have to be different.
I’ll be nursing frequently and recovering from major surgery while trying to run a house of three children by myself while Jimmi works — there will definitely be an adjustment period. I’ve been aware and preparing for these changes, but I really want these last precious 10 days with the two boys before they become three.
I want to get in a little more cuddling before bed with both of the boys on the weekend while Daddy works at night. I want a little more time for Samuel to get over his pacifier-habit. He’s been without it for several days now, but he still asks for it and nap time is still a struggle. I don’t want him to regress when Tobias gets here (it wasn’t my idea to take it away this close to delivery, but I’m tired of spending money on them when he loses them).
I know that mixed feelings about change is normal and I remember slightly feeling this way before Samuel came since Josiah had been an only child for so long.
I also know that all of those feelings will go away when I finally get to hold my precious Tobias in my arms — hopefully in 10 days.