articles / Pregnancy

The social aspect of baby’s gender

Before I get started this has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the transgender stuff going on right now. If that’s what you thought it was and wanted it to be just click the X in the corner and move on.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about the coming baby. Mostly because I was trying to figure out what I wanted to write.

For those of you who do not know me personally…baby #3 is a BOY…Yes, this is not only


Tobias James

baby #3 but BOY #3. I’ve always known that the gender of is a big deal to other people. It means something emotionally for people that shouldn’t even really care. They all act like they have a stake in it. And everyone has an opinion about what they gender should be.

Anyone who has ever had a baby before knows the careful consideration other people put into what you should be having next.


My firstborn…my big boy…Josiah.

With the first baby gender is irrelevant to most people. Feminine women a lot of times secretly want a little girl where as a lot of men secretly hope for that first boy. Jimmi and I were really the opposite the first time around. I wanted a boy because when I was little I wanted to have an older brother. Jimmi leaned more towards wanting to have a girl because he wanted to have “daddy’s little girl”. Other than that, no one seemed to be concerned about whether baby #1 was a boy or girl. Of course, baby #1 ended up being Josiah — my first boy.

When you get pregnant with baby #2 things start to split off. You have the one group that says, “Since you already have a boy, I hope you get a girl this time (or vice versa)”. The other group says, “It’d be great for you to have another little girl, sisters grow up to be best friends.” So it’s almost a win-win either way. When we found out baby #2 was a boy — our earth shaker Samuel — most everyone said, “Wow, that’s great a brother for Josiah.”

Of course a whole other dynamic now starts to come into play. Gender now affects the number of children you should have. You see, if baby #2 would have been a baby of the opposite gender then you’re supposed to be done having babies. You got one of each now you should be done. To try and have another one is almost deemed slightly crazy. Why ruin perfection, right?


Samuel is so rough he has to watch Pocahontas with a helmet on.

However, since my baby #2 was another boy it was socially acceptable to start asking me if we were going to have a third baby and try for that girl. I started getting this question almost as soon as we announced it was a boy.

We announced pregnancy #3 and all of the sudden the stakes were high. I already had two boys it was all but NECESSARY for this baby to be a girl. Why? Well it’s obvious…I already have two boys I deserve — no — need a girl this time. At least according to society. It’s funny to me that all throughout history is was desirable to have boys. Most men wanted boys and most women wanted to give their husband’s sons because that was considered respectable. Now, there’s pressure to have a mixture of both.

When it came time for the gender reveal this third time we knew one of two things would happen. One, we’d find out we’re having a girl (finally) and everyone would assume that we were going to be done having babies. After all, we had our brother pair and now that precious princess. Or two, we’d find out that we’re having another boy and people would start asking if we were going to try one more time for a girl.

Well the verdict is in and yes, we’re having boy #3. There have been a few times already that I’ve been asked the question if we’re going to try again in a few years for a girl. Really people?! I haven’t even given birth to little Tobias yet and you’re already asking me if I’m planning on making him a big brother.

Why is it that people think we need a girl so bad? I wouldn’t mind having a girl and I wouldn’t have had a problem with this baby being a girl. It took me a little bit to get used to the fact that we were having another boy, only because the first two times I had a feeling and knew that Josiah and Samuel were boys. This time I had no clue.

No, I am not distraught or upset because I’m having another boy. No, I do not wish I was having a girl instead. I don’t know if we’re going to have another baby, but if we do it won’t be because we’re “trying” for a girl (I’m leaning more towards no on #4).

I love my boys. They’re rowdy, wild, and their clothes are always a mess. I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything though. God gives us what we need and I guess God thought I needed to be one of those special boy moms.


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