I have a confession to make — I am extremely terrible about being faithful in reading my Bible every day. I read Christian books, listen to Christian music, and pray daily. However, by the end of the day I just all short on reading God’s word. It wasn’t until last night that I realized the full impact of that decision on my life.
Last night during my prayer time I decided to “catch up” on my Jesus Calling devotional and I made a shocking discover…God has been trying to speak to me for the past few weeks, but I couldn’t hear Him because I wasn’t getting into His Word like I was supposed to.
Here is a brief excerpt from the devotional that I should have read the day that I found out I was pregnant: “Thank me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you….The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving…Thanking me for rials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart.”
The day after finding out I was pregnant I started feeling anxious that something was wrong. Here’s what I would have read that day: “Let my love stream through you, washing away fear and distrust. A trusting response includes Me in your thoughts as you consider strategies to deal with a situation. My continual Presence is a promise, guaranteeing that you never have to face anything alone.”
On Thursday, June 24 my concern was growing. So much that I was planning to have my blood drawn on Friday to find out if everything was OK. At this point I was praying for reassurance of the future and trying to find out if my baby was OK and praying that the baby would be fine.
This is what God was trying to say to me: “Hold My hand — and trust…Fearful, anxious thoughts melt away in the Light of My Presence with you, all is well.”
All is well wasn’t supposed to mean that my current circumstances were going to end well, but when God sees the big picture He is saying that all is well in the direction my life is going. Even if the snippet I’m seeing isn’t so pretty.
Friday, June 25 the message that I was supposed to receive was something I needed to hear. “Open your hands and your heart to receive this days as a precious gift from Me…By the time you rise from your bed, I have already prepared the way for you…Remember that I take great delight in you…”
Before I got out of bed Friday morning and started spotting and realized this pregnancy was over God knew what was going to happen. Even though the day was a very sad day for us, the day in itself was a precious gift and we need to remember that no matter what the day brings that it is the day that the Lord has made.
By Saturday I’d started spiraling emotionally without even really realizing it. I was calling out to God asking Him why I was going through this again. At this point I was trying to drown out the emotions I was feeling.
Here’s what the devotional for that day said: “Stay calmly conscious of Me today, no matter what. remember that I go before you as well as with you into the day. Nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you, so long as you look to me. I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. Collaborating with me brings blessings that far outweigh all your troubles. Awareness of My Presence contains Joy that can endure all eventualities.”
Wow. Just wow. It’s amazing to look and be reminded of the fact that God was not surprised by what was going on in my life that day and that if I stayed close to Him, He wouldn’t let things overwhelm me.
Sunday was when I finally sucked it all up and acknowledged that I was sad and mad and came to terms with the fact that I didn’t know what God wanted me to do. I was unsure of where to go from here and had to make a few decisions regarding the future. I prayed and asked God for an answer throughout the day and was frustrated because He didn’t answer.
Here’s what He had to say about the decisions that needed to be made: “Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. the way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey…I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.”
A few weeks too late I see what God was trying to tell me all along. Even though it’s a little late it’s encouraging to see it now. I’m not in this alone and God is listening when I call out to Him and He’s answering my prayers — I just have to keep myself in the Word constantly so I can hear what He’s trying to tell me.