Recently I’ve found myself a bit scattered. Honestly I’m not really sure why. Since Samuel was born in February we’ve been pretty hectic, but in the past few weeks things have slowly gone back to normal. In this normalcy I find myself a bit lost and completely unmotivated and overly motivated all at the same time. Make sense?
For example: After Samuel was born he spent a week in the hospital. Of course the two weeks after we got to bring him home were crazy because we were adjusting to our new lives as a family of four. Just as we were getting used to this two of our friends and their two children were having to move out of their home and since we have a 2400 square foot home they moved in with us. Bam. Change again. He worked from 7 a.m.-5 p.m. and she stayed at home all day with me and the kids. Jimmi went to work at 4 p.m. That means the first half of the day it was me, her, Jimmi, and Josiah (4 1/2), their daughter (2 1/2), their son (18 months), and Samuel (1 month at the time). Then we had two hours where it was me and her and the kids by ourselves before he got home.
They moved out the last weekend in April.
Surprisingly enough, when they lived here I was a big time neat freak. Seriously. I swept and mopped every room, every day and there was never a dish left in the sink rarely ever. My room was a mess but I worked really hard to keep all the other rooms clean. I was also faithful to my blogging and focused on schoolwork. I did a little bit of sewing, but at that point I’d gotten a little burned out. I rarely watched TV before 6 p.m. and got a lot accomplished.
So they moved out and boom. I can’t do anything. We’ve been very sporadic about school work, but of course Josiah is four months ahead since he started Kindergarten in February. I’ve got dishes all in my sink and today is the first day it hasn’t looked like my sewing corner threw up in my dining room. I finally did a little sweeping today, but I don’t remember the last time I mopped. There’s clean clothes piled in the living room and basically I’ve been ignoring them as I’ve been sitting and watching TV throughout the day.
I’m starting to get motivated again. I’m started to be tired all the time and I’m tired of being tired because I’m not doing anything. Me and my step-mom recently decided to open a flea market booth so I’ve started sewing again because I’m selling some of my sewing projects (cloth wipes, napkins, nursing pads, etc…). So I’ve spent several evenings sewing after the kids go to bed…still leaving the laundry in the living room and dishes in the sink. I’ve been really good the past week about doing school work every day and at least doing one load of dishes. Heck, I’ve managed to keep the house decent, but it’s not where I want it to be.
Here’s where I say I shouldn’t care. I’m taking care of a rambunctious soon-to-be 5-year-old and a 3 1/2 month old. I’m lucky if Josiah isn’t asking to eat Jello for dinner and candy for breakfast because I’m letting him fend for himself (we did indulge in cookies for dinner on purpose a few weeks ago). No I shouldn’t expect myself to keep the house spotless, homeschool a child, take care of an infant, sew to sell, and try to write Josiah’s curriculum, but I do. It’s not that I expect to much of myself, it’s that I feel that I’m not doing what I could be because I’ve worked myself into overdrive…There is so much that I want to accomplish that I can’t accomplish anything because I’m overwhelmed by all that I want to do. Does that even make sense?
Here’s my to-do list:
- Work on Josiah’s curriculum. I have to work on developing the rest of his Science, Math, and Language Arts stuff…he wants to work on Spanish, but we’ll see.
- Work on DIY stuff for our flea market booth. I’m working on all kinds of sewing stuff like nursing pads, diaper covers, napkins, and even working on a chalk board mirror project. By the end of the summer I also plan to have supplies for me to start painting again so I can sell those.
- Clean the house…yes, it has to be done. Josiah’s room needs re-organized and so does Samuel’s. We need to put the game room back together after our friends moved out and after having our yard sale. As for the rest of the house it needs something more than the 10 minute straighten up it receives every day. I need a day of cleaning before that 10 minutes becomes effective.
- Prepare for Josiah’s birthday camping trip. Instead of spending money on a huge party and lots of gifts and guests, we take a family camping trip and Josiah loves it. We’ve got the place booked and now I just have to get stuff ready for it.
Wow. After writing it down it doesn’t seem like so much, but I’m still overwhelmed by it. I think I’m going to have to separate the extra stuff out by days. I may have to do my big clean on Monday (10 minute pickup the rest of the week), sew on Tuesday and Wednesday, and work on curriculum Thursday and Friday…or something like that. Oh…and I need to fit in blogging, showering, cooking, and reading somewhere in there…and Josiah’s school work.
I need a plan. I know I can do it I just needed a break from everything — I needed to have my spring break. Now I need to get back to it. I need to make my list, prioritize, forget vegetating, and start work again. Whoever accused the stay-at-home mom of having too much time on her hands and not “working” had clearly never done it. I made a decision to do nothing for the past few weeks and now I’m making a decision to get back to it. This is our new normal and I’m still trying to get used to it, but I love it.