As soon as you think you’re starting to move forward with your life after pregnancy loss — just when you think you’ve gotten used to all the sorrowful stares and odd comments about your loss — you walk past a pregnant woman at the grocery store or see a positive pregnancy test on Facebook.
There is nothing that can prepare you for that overwhelming feeling of emptiness from washing over you when you see that woman touch her belly or see cute belly photos on Facebook. While you’re trying to fight those feelings of hopelessness and emptiness, they’re quickly replaced with these other strange and foreign feelings — anger and jealousy.
It’s like experiencing the loss all over again. You start thinking things like “why am I not having a baby,” “what makes her so special?” Those first several times you see that stuff on Facebook it makes you want to block those people for the next year just so you don’t have to see all their baby crap — because let’s face it — if you’re not getting to post about baby stuff, their baby stuff is crap. You don’t want to hear about it or see it. Most of the time it made my stomach fall to the floor when I saw someone posting about them having a baby.
**Realize that not all women react like this, but I think it’s a natural reaction and some of us are more vocal about it than others….***
The thing is, in the midst of all that anger and jealousy, you have to realize that your anger and jealousy is not personal and is not about the woman or the baby at all (if it is, you should probably see a counselor…seriously). A woman who has suffered a loss, wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy. Those feelings of anger and jealousy doesn’t mean you wish you were pregnant instead of them or that you wish they’d have lost their baby not you (once again, if you do, you should probably see a counselor) — it just means that your body and soul is still aching for the baby you lost. It’s normal. Over time it starts to fade, but I don’t think it ever really goes away.
After the first few times of going through the anger and jealousy I realized that I could be genuinely happy for them and sad for me at the same time. Every time a woman gets pregnant and has no problems and has a beautiful baby I’m happy that one less woman has had to go through this pain. There’s always that sadness you feel because you weren’t as fortunate, but you don’t have to feel like you’re being tortured every time you watch a pregnancy test commercial.
I’d like to say that as soon as you finally have that pregnancy that makes it past the magic 13 week mark (sadly some women won’t ever have that experience) that those feelings magically go away. Those thoughts and feelings normal turn into you worrying about the pregnancy even through the second and third trimester. They also transform into feelings of wondering why you had to have it so hard and so-and-so just pops out babies. You feel jealous of women who aren’t worrying about their pregnancy and women who just assume their pregnancy is going to end with a healthy baby.
These feelings will also fade over time. All of these feelings will fade over time. There will be a day when you won’t want to cry every time you watch a Pampers commercial or see a woman ready to give birth. Just give it time…and try not to feel too bad for having the natural and normal feelings that come after such a traumatic loss.
- I am the one in four an August 19 remembrance (housewivesmag.com)
- I and Envy (hangyourhopesfromtrees.wordpress.com)
- Facing pregnancy loss (beorganicbewell.com)
- Finding Hope after Miscarriage… a Pregnancy loss happening to 25% of all known Pregnancies (desdaughter.wordpress.com)
- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss : What Not to Say (projectsweetpea.wordpress.com)