We went to the doctor today for our first ultrasound. I was excited and nervous at the same time because it was my birthday.
With 3/4 miscarriages it happened around 5 weeks so I’d never gotten to the point of an ultrasound, I miscarried naturally. With my pregnancy last fall, I got all the way to my 10 week appointment and we assumed because there had been no bleeding or cramping then everything was fine. Turns out, it wasn’t. I had a blighted ovum. To put it simple, the
baby stopped developing almost immediately after I conceived, but the sac and placenta didn’t get the memo so they just kept growing, which is why there was no signs. We didn’t find out until our doctor saw the ultrasound of the empty sac.
I am very much so a praying person and I have learned over the past few years to completely put my trust in God’s plan for my life. I don’t think without the past few years of heartache I’d be able to say that so in a way I’m thankful. When I got pregnant with this baby, I immediately started to pray — I knew no matter what the outcome God had His hand on my life. We were going to be OK no matter what.
With our other pregnancies we told everyone almost as soon as I peed on the stick, but with this one I was a little bit more hesitant. Not necessarily because I was worried, but because it was nice to have a little secret. Our families knew, but that was about it.
Once we got past six weeks I felt A LOT better. All of my miscarriages (minus the blighted ovum) had happened before five weeks, so I knew if I could get past that it’d be OK. I still prayed and prayed and trusted and the more I prayed, the better I felt about the whole situation. From early on, even though there were moments of doubt (after four losses it’s hard not to doubt), I just knew that God had given me the peace that everything was going to be OK. This time was different.
At around seven weeks I was at work and felt the odd overwhelming get-up-and-do-it-now feeling that I needed to tell my boss about the baby. My initial intention was not to say anything until my first ultrasound — when we knew everything was for sure OK. When I questioned it, I felt God answer me simply, “Trust.” So I did it. I told my boss.
That next Sunday at church I was in Sunday school and we’d been studying 1 Samuel and talking about our “Goliath’s” that God helps us through. For the longest time I’ve felt like my infertility was just a big Goliath that would eventually be defeated. When asked for praises and prayer requests, I once again felt that urge, “Say something.” I really didn’t want my pregnancy to be that public yet, but once again the only thing I could hear in my mind was, “Trust.” So I did it, I announced my pregnancy to my Sunday School class. At eight weeks we announced it to the world on Facebook, trusting that everything was going to be fine.
Getting up and going to the doctor today still made me slightly nervous. I just knew I was going to see that baby, but I prepared myself in the back of my mind for the worst just so I didn’t get a terrible surprise.
I went in for the ultrasound and the baby popped up right away. There it was — my beautiful baby! The doctor pointed out the strong heartbeat, but Jimmi says he saw it right away. That first ultrasound is always amazing because this little baby that you know has been there and is responsible for all your sickness is finally real — you finally see it. Trying not to get too emotional I watched as the baby got a little active due to the poking and prodding of the ultrasound. It started rolling around and flailing its arms — one of our pictures shows it’s little hand waving.
The interesting thing is that we were one week off of our due date so I’m 12 weeks, not 11 weeks. That means by the end of this week my chance of miscarriage is next to zero. Since we’ve seen the heartbeat and healthy baby, that means there is NO DOUBT that come Feb. 10, 2014 there will be another baby in our house! I still have 28 weeks so there’s still a long way to go, but at least I know where the journey ends. The only thing I can do is praise God for His amazing love and plan. I mentioned in my last post that statistics show after the third miscarriage, chances of carrying a baby to term drops drastically. Since we’ve made it several weeks past my previous losses and we’re finishing up the First Trimester, I’d just like to say that my God is bigger than statistics. Aside from taking progesterone (which is something many doctors won’t do, so I’m thankful for my doctor) there was no medical assistance in conceiving or staying pregnant — just God doing what He does. He has a plan and I grow more and more in awe of his awesomeness daily!
I’ve always known there was a purpose for the past few years and I’ve had the chance to be very public about my losses which is what a lot of women need to hear, but now I’m getting the chance to offer hope to those women that so desperately want a little baby of their own. More importantly, like I mentioned before, my faith and trust in God and His plan have grown exponentially compared to what it would have been if we’d have never suffered a loss.
OK, back to baby stuff — so the baby is due Feb. 10 and I have a scheduled C-section for Feb. 11 (my first c-section is a post all on its own). Of course, the baby could decide to come anytime between the end of January to the beginning of February. My next appointment is Aug. 26 (17 weeks) and we find out the sex of the baby at my appointment in September (around 20 weeks).
- From Before to Finding Out to Now (babykmac.wordpress.com)